Baby fever has officially hit my family. Up until this point everyone I knew outside of my immediate family was having babies. It seemed like everyone I knew was getting pregnant! Except my sisters. Until recently. It was always easier to ignore my strong desire to have kids when the two women closest to me didn't have any. It sounds weird I know but it was. I was able to talk to them about normal life, not worry about visits working around kids, or them having the time to talk. It helped keep those thoughts a bit at a distance. Well I can't say that anymore. My twin sister just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl (I love her already), and my older sister is now into her second trimester with her first child. Even my sister-in-law just had another precious girl.
Now all I have is babies on the brain.
I am beyond excited for both of them and I thank the Lord over and over that they didn't have to go through what I have gone through. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I can't wait to meet me beautiful niece but I know when I hold her in my arms a part of me will cry. A part of me will ache for one of my own. A part of me will have to hold back breaking down and crawling into a pit of depression that I have to keep myself out of every time I hear about another pregnancy. This is real life folks. I battle with this every day. Sometimes I wonder if this is why I have become such an introvert. I mean the majority of women my age have kids and I can't relate. I am terrified of losing the closest two women I have left to the child world. I know it may seem crazy but it's a legit fear of mine.
So......an infertility update. That is the real reason you are here, not to hear me rant (Sorry, it just comes out sometimes). I recently went to a new specialist near my house and I have to say I really liked him. I haven't had great luck finding a doctor I liked so this was a big step forward for me. We sat down and had a discussion about my disease and what the process was and the time frame. He was very informative which I appreciated so much.
If you read my first infertility story HERE you know that I have primary infertility. I do not make my own eggs therefore I have to get a donor egg. It is of course very expensive because not only do I have to pay for all of my medications and procedures but I also have to pay for a donor. To help with the cost I am hoping to be able to use one of my sisters as a donor. Of course if you read the above you will know that one has a new born and the other is currently carrying her first child. They obviously won't be able to donate right now.
The plan is to wait until hopefully next summer to fall and to start the process. We will actually go in the first part of next year to start all the small stuff. There is so much we have to do that I wasn't aware of! Tests for me, for my husband, for my sister and her husband. Lawyers to see, counselors to see, etc etc. It is a process. And don't even get me started on the price. That part wants to make me cry as well! To pay a minimum, a MINIMUM of $20,000 to not even have a guarantee that it will work is heart wrenching.
I have to try though. How could I not? When all I want in the world is just to be a mom.